She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
