the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
