I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
