U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
