That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
