actually, I'm a sock model
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Send help, water and tortillas.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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