Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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