Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
