he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
