I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize