I just saw a hot homeless man
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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