And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
