I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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