I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just puked most of my soul out..
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