dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
