one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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