This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
