Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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