u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
why do cheetos always look like penises
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
