we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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