Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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