I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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