Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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