If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
