she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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