Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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