Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
