I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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