I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
