The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
