So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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