I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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