Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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