You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
