1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
