put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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