If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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