Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
