Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
