tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
