just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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