Already got asked if we're dating
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
