So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Randomize
