I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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