Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize