ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
