know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
