it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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