Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
