So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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