Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
