Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
