spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
