i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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