he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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