It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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