come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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