Your face is a jimmy john
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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