Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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