I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
