Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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