So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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