I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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