I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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