He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
