I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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