1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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