Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
