Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize