So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
