Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
