I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
