I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize