Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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