mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
