i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
