And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
