i don't like sucking hair
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
