Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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