did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
