I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
