This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize