I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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