Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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