i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
