Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
