what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
