Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
