Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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