dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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