if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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