I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
