I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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