3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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