You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
