i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
