bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize