420 ftw
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
