Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
