I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
