dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
