We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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