i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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