i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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