I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
