What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
