My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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