nut hugger
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
