This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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