this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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