Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
